Am I scared of the darkness?

Whomever I talk to these days, keep consoling me by saying "whatever has happened, it happened for best", "the worst had already happened, now only better things can happen to you", "there is always a ray of light in front of this dark tunnel" and other things like that. In some other life, I would have loved and felt comforted to hear such things. I would have loved to believe in the HOPE.

But now, I don't want any hope anymore. I don't want this dark tunnel to end so that I can see the light. I know too well now that "light" will be short-lived followed by another extremely long dark tunnel. I am getting comfortable in this darkness now. I know now, that life is nothing but a journey through long dark tunnels intermittent with short spans of sunlight and the ultimate tunnel will have no end. When the end is all darkness and emptiness, then why do I need to have those short spans of sunlight anymore? Isn't it better to embrace this darkness forever now and make it my home? Isn't it better to prepare myself for the ultimate journey which I have to make alone without any ray of hope?

To sir, with love.

I'm going to dedicate this one to my Boss, Gary. And with time, this entry will be modified as it consist of all the witty conversations I have had with him till now.
While I was doing a rotation in my lab, almost an year ago from now, suddenly Gary comes to our desk and told my lab-mate Yaqiang that he has got some xyz GB external hard drive. Yaqiang says, "Awesome now you can store some of your data in their". Gary replies, "Ohh no no...I'm going to store some of my pornography in their". I hear it as photography. And trying to be smart I ask him "Ohh...so you've a hobby for photography". Gary pauses and looks at me for a few seconds and replies back "Ohh mohona, just forget it !!" Afterward I realized from the way Yaqiang laughed and the way Gary replied back that to me, that I had heard the wrong word.
One day when I was supposed to show him some data, but failed to do so, he scolds me by saying..."you know what mohona....you'll need 10 yrs to complete your PhD. And by that time, I'll be dead, you'll be in jail for killing me and there will be no one left to rescue you." I didn't know whether I should have laughed or cried after this.
Lastly, one day Gary asks me "Have you read the indian newspaper today?" I said "I guess so". Gary says, "Do you know what am I referring to?" I ask, "About the bombings in Kashmir?" He says, "Oh no, about the indian minister who resigns at the age of 86". I googled it and found some minister resigning at the age of 86 for being involved in a sex scandal with some 3 women at the same time. Gary exclaims, "If I've to resign for something ever, it should be for some reason like this. At the age of 86 and that also with 3 women! Indians should be proud of themselves" :P

Well there are many more and will keep you all updated about his conversations.

I have always found the roads (and any open area as such) in the USA to be claustrophobic. Soon I realised that I miss the fields with horizon lying ahead. But then I thought why do I miss the horizon so much as I really love greenery and dense forests. Trust me, the roads of this country is overly flourished with those. Missing the horizon shouldn't really make me feel so claustrophobic. But today, while walking through the corrider towards my seventh floor lab, I understood why I feel this way.

I just want to stand in front of a limitless field, with the horizon ahead of me and saying me, "Run towards me. Just behind me, lies your beloved (and sometime hated) country with all your people in there."

So I miss the horizon giving me the reassurance that I haven't lost everything yet. They are just round the corner.

Swept off my feet

Long time back, I was swept off my feet when I was standing alone in a bus stop. A car drove towards the stop, the guy inside it waved at me. Oh Man.....what a man was he......just took my breath away !!! But moments later I found that he was waving at a girl next to me. I sighed ......... and thought.......wish I was that girl !!!!! I moved on !!!!
And today it happened once more........I was again swept off my feet .........literally...... in spite of knowing the consequences.........!!!! And this time what a pleasant experience it was.
Yesterday night, while coming back along wid a friend, he said me to call up my family and friends back home 2 tell them about the experience I had. I said I'll write a blog. But at that moment, I felt like singing, dancing, shouting, laughing and what not. I was witnessing a snow storm. It felt like all the snow flakes were rushing towards the window of the car as if they were arrays of bullets fired from an automatic machine. Then today morning, I witnessed the whole landscape covered with snow......my first ever.......and the excitement was as great as the first love !!!!
I came to the university......tried hard not to slip.......after the class went to watch the inauguration of Obama........played with lots of snowballs on my way......fell over and over again....friends asked me to make a snowman.......my snowballs broke while rolling them over.....they gifted me my first ever snowman .......dropped snowballs towards the ground from the 9th floor roof !!!!!!!! n yes......my palms were aching like anything......i 4got my gloves at home.....n while making the snowman they were so numb.....every moment i was scared of having frost bite.......but at the end.....it was worth it !!!!
What an awesome day man !!!!! Wish it snowed a bit longer ...... mayb to make a foot thick layer.....but yaa....tat's my desire for the next year.....
btw....this is the pic of the snowman we made....isn't it cute ???